Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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