Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
