and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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