Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
