the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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