somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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