dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
