Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
worst night to have a conscience
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
