porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
