OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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