he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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