I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
