white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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