My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
