She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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