Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
