Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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