you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
