Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
