I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
