Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
