There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
