Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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