Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
