Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
