I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize