If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize