There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
