so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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