Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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