are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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