I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
