its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
