I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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