why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize