I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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