I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
