Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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