just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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