dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
