I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
