watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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