It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
