Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
