Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
