it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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