Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
