I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
