The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
