Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
