There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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