i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
