I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
