i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
