i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
