thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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