if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
