are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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