what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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