Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
