Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
