too bad you live with your parents still
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just high enough for therapy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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