I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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