"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
