i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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