bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
