You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
